steve making really passive aggressive comments during battle about how his friend sam could have totally caught him after he leapt off a tall thing, nbd
sam turned me on to this really great band you guys probably don’t know it
hey do you think sam might like this keychain?…
i’m laughing so hard at that first line, imagining steve running around, fretting over everything when sam first comes to visit him at the avengers tower. like some dork bringing his crush home for the first time and desperately afraid his family’s gonna embarrass him.
"okay, guys, just… act natural."
so naturally they’re all as awful and humiliating as possible
#SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN OUR STEVEN asks tony casually leaning against the wall in an iron man suit #omg tony no. tony. tony pls. steve wishes for a swift death but then clint puts on the old bond newsreels #and he starts wishing for inappropriate and violent things to happen to his team mates #(it’s okay. sam tells him. you look cute. you don’t happen to um… still have that costume do you?) #(he totally does. it is totally worth sam seeing him selling bonds for the way his eyes light up.) (via katsofmeer)
Nat’s all like ‘Don’t worry, Stark, I already gave him the shovel talk’ and Steve just whips around like ‘WHEN’
Tony orders food and they all just sit around gossiping and talking about all the embarrassing things that have happened to Steve on missions since they can’t bring out baby photos (JARVIS is looking into that though)
But Steve totally doesn’t have any room to say anything since he’s pretty much the mom of the group and he’d be doing this if it was anyone else
Bruce is super sweet and normal and asks Sam about his work and family and they and Natasha have an adult conversation while Thor crushes everyone at mario kart
i must imagine natasha’s shovel talk consisted entirely of: “look, if you fuck this up, i’ll have to set fire to your wings, but if he fucks this up, i’ll never let them find the body. anyway, wanna grab some waffles?”
clint and sam have a bird pun off and everyone groans and leaves the room and they grin and play the now-all-to-theirselves video game
Thor just brings Steve to the gym for a spar bc it looks like he needs a chance to calm down and so they can have the post-meet-the-family ‘did you like him what did you think did I make a complete fool of myself’ talk
Tony goes to the lab and complains to Bruce that those two have taken the fun out of the bird jokes because between the two of them they’ve taken all the good ones
PEPPER BEING ALL WELCOMING AND FRIENDLY WHEN SHE SHOWS UP LATE AND CLINT OFFERING HER A CONTROLLER AND HER SAYING NO NO I COULDN’T BUT THEN CRUSHING THEM BOTH while asking Sam a lot about himself and privately figuring out how to protect the privacy of their relationship while it lasts and how to make sure the media spins it in a good light if it gets public because she’s had a lot of practice with Tony ok but while it’s too early in the relationship to scare Sam and Steve with that kind of talk she always likes having a plan to protect the people she cares about, and she does care about Steve and even though she doesn’t know Sam very well she know Steve cares about him and that’s enough for her.
Natasha goes to hang out with Hill and they jokingly plan increasingly elaborate weddings for Sam and Steve and then they go make out a little
yes hello natmaria making out and planning a samsteve wedding pls go on
bc you know eventually these dumbs are gonna tie the knot and natasha and maria will just, like, spring from the shadows with binders full of ideas and identical lethal smirks like, we got this
MOST TERRIFYING/AMZING WEDDING PLANNERS EVER
maria and natasha cover security, makes sure no super villains are gonna crash the wedding (a few try, but they take care of them)
pepper probably handles most of the details with that ruthless efficiency of hers. i think thor would pitch in and help a lot, he comes from a whole world of grandiose parties, he’d be great.
THOR WOULD BE SO INTO WEDDING PLANNING JUST IMAGINE HIM WEARING FLIPFLOPS AND A PONYTAIL AND JEANS AND FLANNEL JUST STANDING NEXT TO PEPPER IN ONE OF HER FASHION SUITS WHILE THEY TASTE TEST AND LOOK AT FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS
Usually Nat and Maria were halfway to drunk whenever they came up with samsteve wedding ideas so each binder goes from tasteful and in line with what Sam and Steve would like to ENTIRELY IMPRACTICAL WE DON’T NEED CAKE BOSS OR GORDON RAMSEY
But they did come up with some good ideas like beach wedding but the flower crowns they pasted to magazine photos is a bit much but Nat and Maria are gonna wear them anyways (and Tony convinces Bruce to wear one and he dons one himself - Thor’s is the best though, he has them braided into his hair and beard and everything - Rhodey refuses flat out)
Pepper doesn’t understand why they keep scribbling PETER PARKER PHOTOGRAPHY INC into the margins but they both giggle a little alarmingly whenever she brings it up and there is no such company but the day of the wedding this scruffy looking guy shows up with a camera and HE TAKES REALLY GOOD PICTURES but he looks like he might have a fangasm every time he sees Steve
Tony ends up talking to him and finding out he’s pretty crafty when it comes to gadgets and offers him a job
Sam and Steve have absolute veto power over everything, and they’ve given Pepper a list of their must haves, but she covers the smaller details
BUT STEVE MEETING SAMS MOM
HAVE THEY FOUND BUCKY YET
WHAT DOES BUCKY THINK OF ALL THIS
I’M CRYING IT’S ALL SO PERFECT
i imagine bucky’s back and through hand-wavey comics stuff is now back to really being bucky and he probably complains. a lot. LOUDLY. about everything bc there are people running around the tower with murder in their eyes muttering about napkin patterns and it’s super annoying but then sam makes an offhand comment about bucky, and how he’s gonna be steve’s best man, and bucky kind of chokes on his coffee and looks at steve like, really
and steve rolls his eyes and bumps their shoulders and, “of course, buck. i didn’t think i needed to ask.”
BUCKY STILL HAS WINTER SOLDIER MOMENTS THOUGH like he sits in the vents and sometimes Clint is about to crawl into one and he opens the cover and just hears ‘occupied’ and he slowly puts the cover back and looks for a new perch
that’s what happens the first time but eventually he’s just like ‘budge over’ and they’re pressed together in the ceiling waiting to jump out at people
BUCKY HAS A CRISIS BECAUSE HE REALLY WANTS TO BE STEVES BEST MAN BUT HE ALSO DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE THE SECURITY TO ANYONE ELSE LIKE HE DOESN’T TRUST THEM
Sam’s mom is just like ‘Settle down, kid, it’s fine, everyone here has super powers’ and he just looks at her and is about to say ‘you dont’ but he stops and thinks ‘wait’ and for the rest of his life he doesn’t know if Sam’s mom really fights crime in her spare time but it bothers him for like months
Tony shows up in a nice suit and his flower crown and Rhodey is wearing his uniform. Tony keeps trying to put flowers in his button holes and anywhere he can really.
It turns out Bruce is an ordained minister??? so he says the ceremony
(MCU they’re both airforce? in 616 rhodey is marines) Sam and Rhodey heckle each other good naturedly since they’re both AF but different divisions, but they’ll gang up on steve since they’re both fliers and Steve’s army
Neither Sam or Steve are gonna wear a uniform OR FLOWER CROWNS SHUT UP TONY
Bucky is like ‘you gotta wear a tux’ and they’re both like ‘its the beach no one is wearing a tux’ but Bucky wears a tux anyways and he looks kind of like a sexy vampire with his hair pulled back and that scary smirk he has
I love you both. This is amazing.
PLEASE HIRE THESE PEOPLE TO WRITE ALL THE MOVIES